And so it is Monday, October 8, 2012… My house has been a shambles for a few weeks now as I separate the items that I simply cannot part with from the things I am selling. The keepers maintain a mere space 3′ x 7′ at this point and are neatly tucked in my neighbor’s garage. My “to-go” bin as I have been calling it, contains the clothes I will live with for the next ??? months. I have prepared one other bin with clothes and electronic cords that I will send with my girl friend so she can mail me needed items as I destroy clothes or maybe lose cords.
As I walk around my house I see so many things that were gifts or that I really wanted to have at ‘that moment’ in time and I often pause to consider what the hell am I doing. They are all just possessions and can be replaced for the most part yet I think the agony comes from remembering what special person gave me that thing, perhaps who I was with when I bought it and the fun we had that day, maybe even recalling using the heart shaped pancake forms to make breakfast for my son. They are just possessions, but regardless how big or small, the trinkets we own represent a moment in our life. And I have reduced my life to 3′ x 7′.
The first large item will go away tomorrow as I sell my couch to a friend’s son. That hole will begin the transformation of my home into a mere temporary dwelling. My estate sale will take place this weekend and with any luck the vast majority of items will go to a new home. So come Monday, there will be little left of the life I’ve worked hard for.
My most pride possession aside from my Harley is a 1903 Hoosier cabinet with side cupboards that I fell in love with the moment I saw it. In 1999, my husband and I were building our first home and this piece screamed to be in my new kitchen. It has been home to many birthday cakes, holiday dishes, and bar top for gathering friends. Since being single, it has been my desk supporting my Virtual Assistant business. The piece cost just a little less than my motorcycle, so clearly these are the two things I’ve paid the most cash money for because I absolutely had to have them.
All of this clearing out and packing up has honestly been a difficult chore. I found myself riffling through old photos as I was packing and getting side tracked with a flood of memories. I found myself throwing away flour because I simply don’t bake for anybody any more. I found myself questioning my journey and my goals. But most importantly I found myself … and for that reason, I shall not give up my dream or my journey. For I have discovered a strength (yet again) that I often forget I have; the strength to greet the unknown.
I cannot say how long I will last out there. I cannot answer people when they ask how long I’ll be gone. Usually my answer is, “As long as my fortitude will allow.” My hope is that I get to see people I have not seen in eons and to see places I’ve only seen in pictures. My hope is to do something bold for myself that will forever make me proud.
My hope is that I can bring encouragement to others that have a dream. It’s often said, “If I can do it, so can you.” However, I don’t think folks truly appreciate that phrase or perhaps that phrase compares apples to oranges. The fact is, if you can dream it, you can do it. And even if you are not successful or only partly successful, you succeeded at going after it. As long as you survive the attempt, you still have another chance if you so desire.
As I take the various steps required for my journey, there are challenges, difficulties, and emotional moments. I think of things that may or may not happen. I think of the people I will miss. I think of things I don’t know if I’ve thought of yet. And I think of the things I’ve survived so far and I think that I can’t wait for my journey to truly begin. So I go to bed each night reminding myself that these are only ‘things’ and that I will soon give myself an opportunity that could possibly only come once.
Dreams are merely realities you have not made happen.
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